“What a blunder we’d go under if we did not try

the merriest of cider, something witty, something nice.
Upon the sips & tasting action peaking out whiskered pleasure,
someone must have found our dearest Beard Bender treasure!”

We were able to get our hands on Blake’s Beard Bender, which is described as follows: “100% natural hard cider.” It’s funny – when nothing’s added, you taste the true characteristics of the apple. Not for the faint of heart, Beard Bender packs a punch not expected from hard cider. Derived from a variety of Bittersweet and Bittersharp apples. Beard Bender is tart, crisp and amazingly drinkable. And, of course, 100% grown at Blake Farms in Armada, Mi.” With such detail and furor, our brows quivered in excitement; our stubbled chins & upper lip twitched with anticipation. We needed to know what this cider was all about.

Unfortunately, with full levels of testosterone & prayers to the beard gods, we can only patchy goatees, so we can neither confirm nor deny the amount of bending this will do to your beard.  The cider is a traditional dry cider, being as true to the apple as possible with low sugary taste.  This particular cider gets its interesting blends of tart flavors from the apples selected in the region as described above, the Bittersweet & Bittersharp apples.  From the aromas, your nostrils sense a very clean, dry apple scent. It was almost as if we smelled the skin of the apple alone.  On the pour, you get a light carbonation that is accented with a clean amber color.  When you taste, you get a distinct tannin punch to your tongue with that low sugar taste, reminiscent of bitter apples.  On the tongue, you are tasting a very tart and long-lingering apple flavor that is warm and inviting.  The bubbles collect on your pallet at every sip giving a nice pop of effervescence.  If you are not a fan of dry ciders,  you would likely steer clear of this blend. The tannin mix combined with the thorough fermentation is just what the doctored ordered for the “dry-mouthed” folks.  I would recommend this for someone who wants the opposite end of the spectrum from an Angry Orchard or Woodchuck sugar bomb.  You know, a real man with a… beard?

In the spirit of Blake’s, go out and get bent!

Beard Facts:

  1. A braided beard can be 20x stronger than rope of the same thickness
  2. Those that study beards are called a “Pogonologists”.
  3. 1 in every 3 males in the US has a beard. And every 1 in 3 of those is a hipster (that last part may or may not be true).

The Good, the meh, revisit Beard Bender